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We’ll get to big black dicks in a moment but first I wanted to ask you, the reader, a couple of questions. First off:

  1. Who was the 17th president of the United States of America? What President did he follow?
  2. Give the names of at least 6 of the Twelve Disciples.
  3. Who said the phrase, “All art is quite useless.” And what did that mean?
  4. What are the four major Chicken corporations in the United States?
  5. What is the name of your congressman? Not senator, congressman.
  6. Who is Bernie Sanders, and why should you care?
  7. How many children are living in poverty in the United States? In Mexico? In China?
  8. What does the sixth amendment of the Bill of Rights promise its citizens?
  9. **Answers at Bottom of Article**

All right I think that’s enough. I’m not interested in showing off, I’m interested in shaming the casual reader of the blog that just showed up here. You see recently this blog hit over 3000 hits, and I won’t lie, I was incredibly happy. When this blog first started up, I was lucky to get twelve hits in a month, now I’m expected to get Photo_00378 at least twenty hits a day. That’s a real satisfaction that I did not believe would wane. Until now.

You see, if you are a blogger on WordPress you are given the option to see how many hits you gone on one day, month, year, etc. You can also see what countries are looking at your blog, and I’m proud to say that people all over the world from Canada, Ireland, Sri Lanka, Hong Kong, South Africa, Togo, Russia, China, and even Saudi Arabia have given me hits. Along with these two benefits, the blogger has statschartthe option to see what “search terms” were used to find said blog, and this is where the story starts to get really funny or really sad depending on your style of humor.

One day I observed that someone had searched the term “Mandingo.” Now if you don’t know what that is I’ll explain it or you could Google it and see what you get. The “Mandingo myth” was an imperialistic concept created by Europeans once they had encountered native Africans. The idea developed that black men were inherently more sexual, more powerful, and had profoundly larger genitals. This of course is bullshit, but it lives on in our society as an important category in porn. Black men are usually paired off with petite blond women who ooh and ahh at the size of their dillies. The reason somebody found my blog was because I referenced the Mandingo myth in one of my essays about Animal Farm. I laughed at it and moved on with my life.KONE-565

Oh if it had only stopped there.

Well the next day I observed a similar hit: big black dicks. This was accompanied by: Position on how to fuck somebody’s wife.

Well you could imagine my surprise. I’ll be honest I laughed.

I was so naïve. The next day I discovered that you could see all the search terms over the course of a year. The results were enough to kill that last little part of my childhood and hope for humanity. I’ll list off a few of them here so that you can understand what kind of clientele I’m apparently serving.

Black dicks of course remains one of the most popular hits on my blog, and you cannot know how relieved I am to know that burning barn is the second most searched term people have used to find me. I’m afraid to say it just plummets from there. While there is one quoted passage from Albert Camus’s The Stranger, and a search for the graphic novel Persepolis, WIN_20151015_20_10_22_Prothe, to quote John Stewart, “forest of dongs” begins to emerge. Black dicks, Mandingo images, black gay human horse dick, satanic sex vagina and penis, my penis welling up, free Lolita’s fucked black dick (our apologies to Mr. Nabokov), a plethora of animal penis (that’s almost poetic, I forgive that one), all male Mandingo party (why wasn’t I invited?), boy farts on boy’s face (eww), Geoffrey Chaucer porn (who says English is boring?), black men dicks (that should be black men’s dicks sir), Mandingo big cock (yep), Mandingo biggest cock (yep again), faggot prostate orgasm (oh good god), Mandingo teen domination 4 (I hope you saw the last three or you won’t be able to follow any of it), monster dick ejaculation (Fetch me my goggles!), female in process in essait in sex (I don’t even…just…what?), Mandingo ideal (idealism is dangerous son), Mandingo party (what do the party favors look like?), African men dicks (again African men’s dicks), pig’s penis (here we go), coitus in pigs (to be fair I did write about this), sexual fish (what was that last one?), fish during sex photos (stop the train I want out!), image fish sex (who invited Jeff Foxworthy?), livestock penis (make sure to stretch first), and finally how attempted female fish sex…I’ll let Mr. George Takei take this one.


I for sure have at least fifty followers of this blog, fifty real human beings that visit this blog regularly to read what I write, and it would appear I also serve a great portion of humanity that have a fondness for big black dicks and fish sex. This is funny as it is frustrating. As the top page above the image of the Byronic hero suggests, I want this blog and the essays I write to serve humanity, and hopefully show one or two people that the works of classic literature are not just boring canonical texts that we’re forced to read in high school. Literature can change minds and show us, remind us of our own humanity. It can help us train our minds to develop empathy.

But, apparently, my reading audience is more interested in wang, so I might as well take this opportunity to educate them before they quickly leave to find an all-night jamaican-man1trout gang-bang website.

A_Mind_of_Its_OwnThere is a book entitled A Mind of Its Own: a Cultural History of the Penis, and the title is everything it suggests. David M. Friedman explores what role the penis had in humanity’s consciousness throughout our entire civilization. Take for example the chapter The Measuring Stick. When the Klu Klux Klan began to take shape during the mid 1800s, violence against black men was due chiefly to white men’s fear of being sexually excluded. Friedman writes:

Whether the black penis really is larger than the white one is an unanswered, and maybe unanswerable, question. (It is highly unlikely any reputable scientific organization will fund a definitive study anytime soon.) What is a fact that many people, white and black, believe is larger. What is also true, and Duluth-lynching-postcardprobably more important, is that many of those white people believe that “larger” black penis has a major—read:”dangerous”—cultural meaning. (125).

This point is continued on another page as he quotes Calvin C. Hernton:

“It is a disguised form of worship, a primitive pornographic divination rite,” he wrote in Sex and Racism in America. “In taking the black man’s genitals, the hooded men in white are amputating that portion of themselves which they secretly consider vile, filthy, and most of all, inadequate…Through castration, white men hope to acquire the grotesque powers they have assigned to the black phallus, which they symbolically extol by the act of destroying it.” (129).

Now I see where you’re taking me. You’re suggesting, that porn’s obsession with black dicks, as well as your casual reader’s obsession with black dicks, is a demonstration that white men in our culture are still terrified by the unspoken power they possess?

Yes, and no.0816f512e4bb3b3abb90638c360981fb

While there are many people that remain openly racist, there many white men in our world that, even if they are enlightened and have no problem with black people, still feel some awe and buy the rhetoric of the Mandingo myth. The website Blacked.com, which I assume many of my casual readers observe, is dedicated to nothing but skinny white girls banging giant black men. In the pornography industry black men who are shorter (in every sense of the term) are instructed to only penetrate halfway into women so that it seems they’re longer than they actually are. White men are still worshiping the black phallus because there is still this idea that it is a powerful object.

The conflict is, where is this leaving black men in America? What is it doing to them? In a sense, this subtle worship is still wreaking damage upon them, for even if we’re celebrating their phalluses and sexuality, there is still the conflict of the intimidation that inspires, and the larger issue which is that we’re objectifying black men and turning them into props of sexual animals devoid of any real humanity.

largeWe like black dicks, because they’re just mindless animals devouring white women’s insatiable lusts. The conflict is, if you idealize a human being, or his anatomy, you strip them of their humanity leaving drastic consequences. Take for instance this lovely passage and see if you’re still horny:

Another black accused of consorting with a white woman had his penis—while still attached to him—nailed to a wooden board. His captors thrust a knife into the same piece of wood, then set the board on fire. The black man escaped, Martha Hodes writes in White women, Black Men, by the only means provided. (129).

Though this is pertinent, a quote in the previous page sums it up best:

To really kill a black man, you had to kill his penis. (128).

This article was at first just going to be a fun little joke at my own expense, but upon reflection I have realized a much darker implication from my own reading list. People have been finding my blog hopeful for images of violent black brutes fucking white women to satisfy some malignant worship, and instead they’ve been finding essays about George Orwell (which I’m tumblr_mkj7wigipv1qevxl8o1_500sure he would have appreciated), and this is unlikely to change. The internet will stay the internet, such as it is. My only resolution to this matter is to follow the path Merlin spoke of in The Book of Merlyn by T.H. White:

“No,” he said. “Nobody can be saved from anything, unless they save themselves. It is hopeless doing things for people-it is often very dangerous to do things at all-and the only thing worth doing for the race is to increase its stock of ideas. Then, if you make available a larger stock, the people are at liberty to help themselves from out of it. By this process the means of improvement is offered, to be accepted or rejected freely, and there is a faint hope of progress in the course of the millennia. Such is the business of a philosopher, to open new ideas. It is not his business to impose them on people.

I can’t impose on people to stop looking at big black dicks, or searching for them. All I can do is put out my work and hope somebody learns something when they get here by accident.


Now as for fish sex…I can’t even figure out where that comes from. Maybe somebody’s got a kink about those Christian fish on the bumpers of cars.



*Writer’s Note*

If you scrolled down here for the answers, there are none. Find them yourself. You have agency and you live in the age of Google for crying out loud!


**Writer’s Note**

If you only scrolled through the essay to look at the pictures of the men I posted, you’re part of the problem!  And thank you for your patronage.