If you’re reading this thank you for curiosity or honest desire to find and buy one of my books. This page will provide the cover image for the books that I have released along with links to Amazon and Create Space where you can purchase them. I will also try and post a link to the GoodReads account for all of the books so you can make an informed decision about whether you would like to purchase one of them. Obviously I’m biased, but they’re all terrible and I should feel bad for publishing them in the first place, and yet, I need beer money. So thank you dear reader for you patronage, thank you for reading my books, and thank you person who randomly showed up here looking for dicks but decided to buy one of my books. The Tom of Finland article should be what you’re looking for.
SWANKY PANKY’S CRAZY WISDOM, $3.95
A man named Elvis is waiting for a date when a clown enters the bar and tells everyone they can attain “Wisdom” from a man named Swanky Panky for only $5 American. Elvis, along with everyone at the bar, decides to take a chance, and at the parking garage across the street they find three rings and a strange man who carries a bucket of bells and an empty chest. Once Swanky’s been paid Elvis and the crowd sit down and Swanky summons people from his bucket and his chest who tell strange and weird and wonderful and horrible stories.
A man is haunted by an invisible rat, a lesbian porn star is inspired by a light-bulb, a man named Dr. Pepper is harassed by a lunatic named Mountain Dew, a man made of molecules dances, a young woman struggles with a can opener, a sun falls in love and has her heartbroken, a redneck wins glory everlasting in a contest against a rattlesnake, and these are just some of the endless tales that offer Swanky’s Wisdom.
Between the acts of the show Elvis meets some of the people in the garage with him, but it’s a man named Atlas that leaves a distinct impression. Elvis talks with Atlas, and even with Swanky Panky himself, and with the stories from the show Elvis finds his wisdom and has to decide what it will mean for the rest of his life.
“It’s Mr. Rhino, He intends on Departing!” It’s been close to seven decades since a rhino stood up on its hind legs, donned a suit and cap, and began to read, write, walk, and talk. This feet would have been impressive enough, were it not for the fact that following this event, animals all over the world began to follow suit and become members of society. That is why on an Autumn afternoon when Mr. Rhino announces to the world that he intends on departing, the world around him begins to unravel. Taking place over the course of a single day, Ballyhoo follows the actions and thoughts of Mr. Bear, Mr. Orangutan, Mr and Mrs. Tiger, Mr. Cheetah, Mr. Walrus, Mr. Elephant, and Mr. Rhino as they come to grips with their lives, the loves they pursued, and the meanings they tried to find in their brief existence. Whether it’s discussion over tea and cookies, a tree covered with belching fish, a little girl possessed by a monstrous creature, of a loathsome person named Mr. Hyena who lives in the fireplace, Ballyhoo is a story unlike any other that tries only to answer one question: how does a person come to grips with the end of a life. And is it ever really an end?